Into every life a little "jerk" must sometimes fall. You know that type person and you know them well. They go out of their way to make life miserable for EVERYONE that comes along, regardless of who it is, what they look like or what they do for a living. They will purposely mess with you, they will annoyingly bully people smaller than themselves, they always look out for NUMBER ONE (chiefly themselves), and they're always the first ones to say "WHAT? Me? I didn't do anything!!!" when totally caught in the act.

As any reader of Greek mythology knows, these types of larger-than-life jerks are pretty easy to come by. Most every story has at least one, if not several, and they all cause untold suffering to those around them. Yet there is one that sticks out as a total yutz, and sadly, he's probably the one that is one of the least known of mythological pains-in-the-rears to most regular folk on the street. And this guy wasn't just a bully and scallywag; he was a cold blooded, calculated murderer, which just ups the ante just a bit!

Who was this detestable piece of work, this scumbucket and utter sore on the rump? He's SCIRON, dirty, low-down and he's the guy everyone LOVES to hate, once you get to know him!

Sciron was an impeccably rude, crude and completely sadistic (evil and enjoying it) outlaw and sadly, he was also a demigod who could claim Poseidon as his dad (Poseidon probably did his best to forget his epic chucklehead of a son).

This guy was as rough and rugged as you could get; scraggly, unshaven, dressed in stanky, ragged clothing, and worst of all, he always had a mad, demented grin on his sneering face. His barred teeth were always showing in that smile, which just screamed out "nutjob."

Sciron's main source of income and enjoyment in life consisted of waiting around atop an ocean-side pass called the Sceironian Rocks where travelers frequently passed through, robbing the unsuspecting folks who wandered by, humiliating them, offing them and slyly getting rid of the evidence. Sounds like a pretty cut-and-dried psychopath, but it's the details that separate Sciron from all the rest!

Sciron would lure in his targets using the old "help, I'm in trouble!" trick and got them to get in close to him using their concern for his well-being. He would then shanghai them, overpower them and hold them by knife-point, demanding every red cent and possession they had in their possession, leaving them with nothing but the clothes they were wearing.

To make it even worse, Sciron would then force each victim to wash his feet with water, and while they knelt in front of him, cleaning the slimy crud out from between his toes, he kicked them square in the chest and sent them flying off of the cliff and out into the crashing surf hundreds of feet below! Even WORSE (could it get worse?) was the fact that down below in the water offshore was a monstrous, mutant sea turtle the size of a trireme (boat) that would definitely waste no time in making the poor victim a meal, even if they did somehow manage to survive the fall!

Why was the sea turtle there at all? Well, considering that Sciron was a demigod-son of Poseidon, maybe that was his way of helping one of dad's own creatures out? Hard to tell...the legends never say.

However, after countless brutal robberies and humiliating murders, one fine Mediterranean day Sciron met his final match in the form of a pretty familiar name to the Greek mythological world; the slayer of the Minotaur himself, Theseus, came strolling along the high cliff pass. The robbery began as routine, but quickly went downhill from the normal outcome when Theseus realized what lay below the cliff and got himself pumped to crush some robber skull.

When Sciron pulled out his knife and tried to force him to wash his feet, the hero grabbed him by his grubby tunic and tossed HIM over the edge, screaming bloody mayhem all the way down, and into the waiting, sharp and hungry maw of the gigantic turtle lurking below, thus ending the foul creep's sick, twisted career!



[1] "Mrpsmythopedia"

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